It's up to me...to get out of my way

I recently took a long trip to a new place with constantly changing circumstances. Talk about experiences offering opportunities to grow! I had another opportunity to see myself in sometimes uncomfortable situations...this time I couldn't get away at all, which is what I would normally opt to do. Through studying Linda Parelli's Horsenality concepts, I was able to see that I go introverted when I feel threatened or overwhelmed (I also did this at my Fast Track course earlier this year). So, I've just been "marinating" on this awareness and am realizing that I have been, to some degree, sabotaging myself. I believe in and talk (a lot) about how we can accomplish anything and have followed that belief. However, when I find myself in a place where it's really happening, I seem to shut down a bit which affects my ability to progress and continue to make things happen. Hmmm. For me, I think it all comes down to looking for approval outside of me because I haven't truly, 100%, found a way to approve of myself. That's my big challenge. The recent realization that I also shut down when I feel threatened rather than speak up for myself really was such a gift in helping me see I still don't completely respect and approve of myself. I kept hearing Linda's words as I pondered and reflected, "It's not about the....." I see now, it's about finding the ability to speak the words calmly without ego rather than bottle them up and go introverted...it's about TRULY approving of me with no need for others to validate me. My journey is up to me, and I have to get out of my own way so I can have the exciting, passion filled life I know is waiting for me. Now, the idea of riding with Pat Parelli scares the heck out of me, but I am determined to be ready and confident enough to find a way to get there and realize my dreams:-)