Rewarding the slightest try ... for myself

I went to play with my horse after almost a month away in prep for my L3 Online audition in hopes I'll be able to be accepted into the Instructor course in January. I have a plan and fully expected to need 7 sessions to be ready. I focused hard on rewarding my LBI mare's every try as well as never adding "Make" to the equation. I fully expected jumping the barrels and circling to bring the most challenges and started with fun stuff that I know she enjoys...incorporating food rewards, of course! I wasn't worried about the results as I was viewing this as an assessment of where we were after a few weeks off. What an amazing session! I thought of the 8 principles and 8 responsibilities throughout as well as each session / day being better than the one before. My horse almost immediately started to roll the ball around on her own, checking in to ask if that earned a treat. I went with the play and continued the session. When I asked for her to weave, she offered it at the trot and clearly new what I was asking. Kicking up a bit with sass; what fun! My bull calf moved one of my barrels and when it came time to jump, my horse jumped the one barrel still in place! I decided to make the effort once since she was so tuned in, and she did it!! Wow! I finished the session with her still trying super hard and with an attitude of fun! Was it her trying harder and me not being critical that made it happen, having time off and feeling fresh, or was it that I took the pressure off myself and decided to go with the experience as it presented itself? Or...was it all of the above? I can't wait to see if I can maintain that fun, progressive environment for my horse and me! I realized we are ready to make the video and am excited to do it rather than worried. Maybe I am figuring some things out and making some real changes in me. Either way, I'm gonna revel in each step of the journey and all the opportunities that show up to help me and challenge me.

It's up to me...to get out of my way

I recently took a long trip to a new place with constantly changing circumstances. Talk about experiences offering opportunities to grow! I had another opportunity to see myself in sometimes uncomfortable situations...this time I couldn't get away at all, which is what I would normally opt to do. Through studying Linda Parelli's Horsenality concepts, I was able to see that I go introverted when I feel threatened or overwhelmed (I also did this at my Fast Track course earlier this year). So, I've just been "marinating" on this awareness and am realizing that I have been, to some degree, sabotaging myself. I believe in and talk (a lot) about how we can accomplish anything and have followed that belief. However, when I find myself in a place where it's really happening, I seem to shut down a bit which affects my ability to progress and continue to make things happen. Hmmm. For me, I think it all comes down to looking for approval outside of me because I haven't truly, 100%, found a way to approve of myself. That's my big challenge. The recent realization that I also shut down when I feel threatened rather than speak up for myself really was such a gift in helping me see I still don't completely respect and approve of myself. I kept hearing Linda's words as I pondered and reflected, "It's not about the....." I see now, it's about finding the ability to speak the words calmly without ego rather than bottle them up and go introverted...it's about TRULY approving of me with no need for others to validate me. My journey is up to me, and I have to get out of my own way so I can have the exciting, passion filled life I know is waiting for me. Now, the idea of riding with Pat Parelli scares the heck out of me, but I am determined to be ready and confident enough to find a way to get there and realize my dreams:-)