Life is Perfect - not usually easy:-)

Do you recognize times in your life where big growth is coming? Like it or not, it's coming. Well, I'm there again and this time I recognize it. In the past I've had real difficulty with these periods, because I couldn't see what was happening...couldn't find the gift and the opportunity. Over the years I've taken baby steps and learned little by little to look for the gift and the opportunity. Well, this time I'm fully aware it is here. It is no less challenging for me emotionally, but I am committed to staying with it and asking for the growth so I can head in that direction. One interesting aspect of this "brick upside the head" experience is that my horse has major pain, it turns out from an old injury. For the last couple weeks I've been struggling with a kidney issue and my pain is almost exactly mirrored in her body...her pain. Whoa! Talk about marinating on it; I'm fully steeping in this one to get the lesson:) I'm being forced to slow down and let my body heal...I don't slow down easily. Why am I kicking and screaming on this one? It's clear my body needs rest...turns out my mind needs to slow down for my body to. Sound familiar? Extroverts need to move their feet to think...hmmm. Without being able to move physically, I'm driving myself crazy mentally. I have taken a close look at my current mantras..."self worth" and "surrender" and realized I'm not honoring either. Today, I'm committing to both again. I'll be taking Jesse to soak in the ocean and looking for some healing for both of us. I've realized she is physically unable to advance in some areas I've been pushing her in; all for my personal advancement in the Parelli Levels. But, life is perfect and I have another partner that is strong as an ox and super willing. Okay Universe, I'm listening. Bring it on:)

Licking and Chewing on what partnership can REALLY be

I have been spending time with a second horse and really decided to commit to him as if he were my own. I have spent hours working on the relationship and trying to show him how much I care. He is in a herd of around 15 horses in a large pasture and now comes to me when I call. Lately, he's been cantering to me. Oh, what a feeling! I love beginning or ending my day by seeing him. He's so curious and interested and seems to really want to be with me. This is addictive! It has got me thinking about my relationship with my horse, which has come a very long way. I have begun to see the major difference in what a relationship can be when there is no pushing, making, or frustration coming from the human. I am sad to say I spend the first few years with my horse frustrated much of the time and tried quite a few different trainers and techniques that did not put the relationship first. I try to find the gift in every experience and hitting rock bottom with my girl got me to commit to the Parelli Program. We wouldn't have come to where we are today without that! We have a great connection now, but by seeing through another horse's eyes, I see more of what is possible and am determined to do what it takes to get her looking at me with that same inquisitiveness, and have a new goal of her cantering to me every time she sees me. My eyes are opening to that delicate balance between strong leader and pushover, and I am so thrilled and excited to continue this journey with these amazing partners who have only just begun to show me the way...

Parelli is a WAY OF LIFE!!

I had a session with David Lichman yesterday and am still amped! It was so inspiring I could hardly sleep last night! I was doing lots of remembering to be sure I don't forget the lessons learned and strategies he gave me...plus the incredible feel! My LBI stuck with it for over 3 hours...of course due to the strategies! We had fun the whole time and I even did liberty in the big arena...within minutes David had my horse so connected to me. We were singing and dancing to the music and I could barely conceal my pure joy! People were having fun just watching:-) I realized that was probably the biggest compliment I could get; to have people who couldn't help but watch because it looked like so much fun. Some horse people, some non horse people. No matter who they were, they could see the fun and joy and wanted to take it in. That was an amazing feeling! This is what it's all about and how any horse clinic or lesson should go. It made me appreciate again the difference in Parelli...it's a lifestyle and WAY MORE THAN RIDING!! I said to David, "I feel like jumping up and down and can hardly contain myself!" He said, "Do it! Let your horse feel your joy." I've had experiences with this horse in this arena where things went downhill so far, so fast because the standard way of thinking is to push and push the horse. I had some scary moments in that arena, but not anymore. The gift in those difficult moments was that they made me commit to Parelli and not ever having those types of moments with my horse again. What a different life I live today; the sky is the limit! I'm so very thankful!

The Ebb and Flow of it

I have been thinking of many topics for blogs lately and am just now getting time to sit down and write. They've gone from moments where I realize how important it is to take the time it takes, to being inspired by other students of Parelli natural horsemanship and making changes with my horse, to really learning about how helpful second hand gold can be. I've also had some not so great days with my horse, where I couldn't seem to get it together and be progressive, or have the right timing, etc. Then, there's life happening during all this:-) I find myself constantly thinking, planning, working things out in my head. I sometimes just stop and move the things out of my brain that aren't truly imperative to my happiness or survival. What I'm settling in with, finally, is the ebb and flow of it all. Truly being in the moment means realizing that there will always be ups and downs and moments of being unsure as well as moments of being on top of the world where everything seems to fall perfectly in place. I have a habit of wanting to resolve things NOW and see the results NOW. I'm really learning to allow for the natural flow of things to unfold and step into the discomfort. Deep breath on that one:-) If I can get this ... REALLY get this, I can truly enjoy every moment in life and know it is unfolding exactly as it is supposed to.

Rewarding the slightest try ... for myself

I went to play with my horse after almost a month away in prep for my L3 Online audition in hopes I'll be able to be accepted into the Instructor course in January. I have a plan and fully expected to need 7 sessions to be ready. I focused hard on rewarding my LBI mare's every try as well as never adding "Make" to the equation. I fully expected jumping the barrels and circling to bring the most challenges and started with fun stuff that I know she enjoys...incorporating food rewards, of course! I wasn't worried about the results as I was viewing this as an assessment of where we were after a few weeks off. What an amazing session! I thought of the 8 principles and 8 responsibilities throughout as well as each session / day being better than the one before. My horse almost immediately started to roll the ball around on her own, checking in to ask if that earned a treat. I went with the play and continued the session. When I asked for her to weave, she offered it at the trot and clearly new what I was asking. Kicking up a bit with sass; what fun! My bull calf moved one of my barrels and when it came time to jump, my horse jumped the one barrel still in place! I decided to make the effort once since she was so tuned in, and she did it!! Wow! I finished the session with her still trying super hard and with an attitude of fun! Was it her trying harder and me not being critical that made it happen, having time off and feeling fresh, or was it that I took the pressure off myself and decided to go with the experience as it presented itself? Or...was it all of the above? I can't wait to see if I can maintain that fun, progressive environment for my horse and me! I realized we are ready to make the video and am excited to do it rather than worried. Maybe I am figuring some things out and making some real changes in me. Either way, I'm gonna revel in each step of the journey and all the opportunities that show up to help me and challenge me.

It's up to me...to get out of my way

I recently took a long trip to a new place with constantly changing circumstances. Talk about experiences offering opportunities to grow! I had another opportunity to see myself in sometimes uncomfortable situations...this time I couldn't get away at all, which is what I would normally opt to do. Through studying Linda Parelli's Horsenality concepts, I was able to see that I go introverted when I feel threatened or overwhelmed (I also did this at my Fast Track course earlier this year). So, I've just been "marinating" on this awareness and am realizing that I have been, to some degree, sabotaging myself. I believe in and talk (a lot) about how we can accomplish anything and have followed that belief. However, when I find myself in a place where it's really happening, I seem to shut down a bit which affects my ability to progress and continue to make things happen. Hmmm. For me, I think it all comes down to looking for approval outside of me because I haven't truly, 100%, found a way to approve of myself. That's my big challenge. The recent realization that I also shut down when I feel threatened rather than speak up for myself really was such a gift in helping me see I still don't completely respect and approve of myself. I kept hearing Linda's words as I pondered and reflected, "It's not about the....." I see now, it's about finding the ability to speak the words calmly without ego rather than bottle them up and go introverted...it's about TRULY approving of me with no need for others to validate me. My journey is up to me, and I have to get out of my own way so I can have the exciting, passion filled life I know is waiting for me. Now, the idea of riding with Pat Parelli scares the heck out of me, but I am determined to be ready and confident enough to find a way to get there and realize my dreams:-)

Trying to become an extreme middle of the roadist

I am definitely more of a carrot person and usually find that I look for reasons not to get firm and find excuses to give another carrot. Having an LBI seems to make it easier for me to do this. I have found it challenging to find the middle of the road over the years, as I am a bit of an extremist with every thing I discover or learn. I recently had an experience that showed me again, how I have to find a way to remain in the middle of the road and not expect extreme results from just one thing. I invited Jim Crew to come to Hawaii and it was amazing! He did a lecture and demo day and my horse was the one that he made some changes to. It was incredible! I hadn't realized she was in pain all these years, but saw the difference in her when she got comfortable. She was fluid and seemed to want to move. I was moved to tears. So...I went out to play with her the next day and basically threw all the horsenality strategies I've learned out the window. Subconsciously, I found my way to a belief that her discomfort had been the reason for all her sluggish tendencies. Well, I was in for a surprise. She didn't like the small round pen and I hadn't used any strategies to get her motivated, so things went downhill fast. I rode the next day, again, not using enough strategies and just going to the arena. This area usually gets her a little amped because we haven't spend a lot of time in there. Also, I used to get a little anxious when in the arena, so there ya go:-) Nope, she would walk, trot, stop, backup, but just couldn't find the energy to canter. On the bright side our clover leaf and follow the rail with no reins was feeling pretty good, which I had to remind myself was a great thing to be aware of. So, the next day I went back to LBI strategies, remembering the 8 principles and checking her body balance which still seemed good. I saw her get motivated again. I've begun to find my way to the middle of the road, but how long can I stay here this time? I finally am okay accepting each situation that arises and am grateful I can recognize when I'm there and when I've gone too far to either side of things. I'm finding fun in puzzle solving to find what gets results. Now, can I remain in that frame of mind in front of people and not put my ego ahead of my horse's needs? The journey continues.